11 Ways A Cop Should Spend His/Her Time

They say that great emotional upheavals can inspire great writing.  Well, I believe in this very strongly.  In fact, I feel a great spout of writing coming on just now, as I am filled with anger.  It is an anger that has permeated every pore of my body, that has built in pressure until it has fused with my very essence–you can no longer separate me from this righteous anger.

Oh, why am I angry? I woke up to an unfair parking ticket, that’s why.  Apparently, I was parked on the wrong side of the street during a “snow emergency.” No signs, no warnings, and no mercy (even for visitors to the city).

Now, I know that I’m parking in New England, but who on earth would google “snow emergency parking policies” on March 21st??  How is it even an “emergency” if it will all melt within a matter of hours?  These are some of the great questions swirling around in my brain.

Of course, the first stage of this parking ticket anger is extensive googling of “how to fight this ticket.”  It was actually kind of an ordeal looking for “I’m a real person and I got my ticket dismissed” stories.  The best I found was one dude who was upset about his ticket, but the commenters were even more upset that he listed his inquiry under the “Boston” page, when clearly the city he was talking about was 15 mins north of Boston.

I’ve since resigned myself to paying this ticket in full, but I still want to use my anger to do some good.  I’ve decided to write a message to all the cops who give out tickets during snow emergencies detailing better uses for their time.

11 things that cops could be doing before/during a snow instead of giving parking tickets

  1. Distributing notices to every residence saying ‘MOVE YOUR CAR TO ONE OF THESE VERY SPECIFIC PLACES AND WE WILL DEFINITELY NOT TICKET YOU’
  2. Putting up ACTUAL SIGNS that say ‘DON’T PARK HERE DURING A SNOW EMERGENCY OR WE WILL DEFINITELY TICKET YOU’ I mean, this would actually be a great time saver in the long run–think of how few tickets you’d have to issue after THAT!!
  3. Cleaning the snow off of everyone’s car
  4. Writing a letter to accompany all tickets explaining that the parking bureau is evil and exploiting poor and innocent parkers because it’s the only way to get cash flow into the city
  5. Responding to the “emergency” part of “snow emergency,” whatever that means
  6. Raising money so they don’t have to ever give tickets ever
  7. Getting donuts (I know that’s a cheap shot, but I’m not sorry)
  8. Sleeping
  9. Volunteering in their local community
  10. Thinking of and implementing solutions to racist police brutality
  11. Solving world hunger

Please feel free to add your own.  Raise your voice against the injustice of parking tickets!

Featured image from toledoblade.com

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3 thoughts on “11 Ways A Cop Should Spend His/Her Time

  1. allthoughtswork says:

    Not sure if it’s too late but back in Denver, they usually cut your ticket in half if you bothered to show up at the courthouse to pay it in person rather than just mail it in. It’s worth a shot.

    That is, they cut the cost of the ticket in half, not the actual ticket. If they started cutting up actual tickets, the line at that courthouse window would get slower than the one at the food trucks outside Chris Christie’s office.

    1. seasaltandvinegar says:

      Alas, the “traffic department office” here where you pay your tickets isn’t nearly as kind! Although the line still manages to resemble something like you described because the clerks type with one finger (actually). Maybe I should consider moving to Denver.

      1. allthoughtswork says:

        Don’t. Denver is just the east coast with dust and tornadoes. Your vehicle will never look clean again and you will live in constant fear of that damned weather siren each spring. I used to set my watch every day by that siren.

        On the other hand, Denver is probably very laid back now that it’s high in more ways than one. The sea salt and vinegar chips must be perpetually sold out. You’d hate it there.

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