There’s a food for that…

Have you ever gotten mixed up with your words and not said what you really mean?  I do this all the time, especially in my own thoughts. For example, I’m always saying “I need food,” when I really mean “I need to fucking finish this work and I definitely don’t need food because I’m a lazy bum.” Man, I hate when that happens.

Unfortunately, I’m tricked very easily by my own misrepresentation of thoughts and therefore end up eating about twice my body weight every day.  Due to my daily burnt offerings (usually toast) to the gods of metabolism, I’ve been blessed with a healthy weight that seems to maintain itself. I know it won’t last.  Those gods are pretty pickle–I mean, fickle.  (Have I eaten any pickles yet today?)  Nevertheless, I continue to eat in a way that would probably make Jughead of the Archie comics proud (see Appendix 1).

The worst part about my lack of self-control is that I’m working from home and I have no self-control.  When I spend the day at work or the library or another non-home location, it’s a lot easier to not eat food that’s not there (did I mention I have no self-control?).  It’s so easy while at home to open the fridge…then the cabinets…then the hard-to-reach cabinets that hold all the food that you were trying to save for later…etc.

The resulting carnage from one of my rampages.  Note that I did not drink the nail polish remover, so at least I know I’m capable of some self-restraint.

Although this is the first time I’m writing about it, I’ve had to deal with this..errr…habit for quite some time, and I think I’m coming to understand more about how it works.  It’s very simple: if I know what I’m doing, and I’m in the process of doing it, I’m not eating.  If I’m thinking or “thinking” or *thinking*, I’m eating.  So clearly I’ve been doing a lot of that lately.  All I have to do is make sure that I always know what I’m doing–in coding, in fixing my computer, and in life.  Once I become an expert at all these things, I’ll have a perfectly balanced diet.  Easy.

Appendix 1: What I’ve Put In My Stomach Today

  • 2 cups of coffee
  • 1 toasted peanut butter sandwich with extra peanut butter
  • 1 cheese stick
  • 1/2 pickle (the other half was mushy, so like a true American, I threw it away)
  • 1 frozen meal of mac ‘n cheese from the depths of the freezer
  • 1 weird breakfast veggie patty with bits of egg and vegetables from the depths of the freezer
  • 1 roll of Sweetart smarties (um not nearly as good as regular smarties) from the maintenance people in my building (yes, apparently I even take candy from strangers)
  • 1 granola bar
  • ~6 handfuls of vanilla cupcake Goldfish (because the more outlandish, fake and processed, the better)
  • 2 chunks of white chocolate from a bowl of hardened white chocolate that my roommates used for dipping strawberries last night but then decided they didn’t like
  • 1 apple so I can lie to myself about being healthy

and it’s not even dinnertime yet!


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One thought on “There’s a food for that…

  1. soulandmeat says:

    save for the parts about coding, this post could be directly from my own fingertips. home is definitely a dangerous place for me (in terms of self-control) as well. the only way i’m able to eat like a ‘normal person’ is if i’m busy and completely engrossed in some activity for an extended period of time. i’ve set rules for myself like, ‘no eating in the bedroom’, ‘no eating after 6pm’, ‘one bowl of cereal is enough’–still struggling.

    in other news, i often refer to pimples as ‘penises’ in my head–completely involuntary, it just happens and that’s fine, i guess. :]

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