- Today, I was power walking from my car to a meeting. The “power” part was unfortunately not for exercise, but was due to the fact that I was cutting it extremely close. The building was in sight, when my path was blocked by a drawbridge. Yup, a drawbridge. Just beginning to rise up. Had I been in a movie, I would have crashed through the gate with my excessively expensive vehicle, become stuck right at the top of the ever expanding gap, and for the grand finale, I would have jumped in slow-mo, rolled down the bridge, and ran the last few feet to my meeting.
What really happened: I had to walk an extra half mile or so to arrive at my meeting. When I did, I was late, sweaty, and muttering curses under my breath about bridges.
2. I stare out at the empty beach, with the sun setting, alone with my thoughts, a remorseful expression on my face. In the background, the music swells, louder and louder, and I can feel a huge epiphany about to hit, and…then I have to turn down the music because it hurts my ears.
I sincerely hope I’m not the only one who does this sort of thing. I have honed the “thoughtful, yet sad, yet inspiring, yet longing, yet mournful” look that movie actors use about 2/3 the way through every movie to portray internal conflict that is essential to arrive at the happy ending. I’ve found it to be perfect for staring out rain-streaked car windows, walking alone through crowded places, looking out at beautiful landscapes, and roaming through libraries. Seriously, if actresses ever need stunt doubles for those scenes, I’ve got ‘em covered.
3. I started a blog. If I were in a movie, I would have gotten 100,000+ views in a day, because my opinions and writing style are so new and refreshing and amazing that I of course become an instant sensation. The newscasters come knocking on my door, the celebrities give critiques on my writing during their talk show interviews, and everybody is hanging onto every last word, always clamoring for more. Then I make my millions.
What really happened: I became another to join the millions of people who write on the internet.
4. I went running for the first time in a while. I was tiring out alarmingly fast, but I kept thinking about how great it would be if I were in shape. If I were in a movie, I would have sped up, no longer feeling the pain, and ran, and ran, passing everyone nearby, and maybe plowing into a cute guy or two.
What really happened: It hurt like hell, and I stopped to walk a few minutes later.
5. I came up with a great idea for a book. I saw the whole writing montage in my head—slaving over the computer late nights with a cup of coffee, working through frustration after frustration, negotiating with publishers until I find the one, and of course becoming famous. See number 3 for details.
What really happened: I mentally review the main points of my great idea every couple of days. I still have no main plot, no ending, but a premise that I continually praise myself for.
Who says our lives can’t be like the movies?