Reasons why you should not read this blog:
1. I’m pretty sure that’s how Lemony Snicket starts every coverflap of his “Series of Unfortunate Events.” This tells you that I am being pathetically manipulative, but doing so in an unoriginal way. It also means that I receive some measure of inspiration from a writer of a mediocre tween series. Oof.
2. There will be whining. Hopefully, it will be intelligent whining, but fist-shaking, throwing-my-hands-heavenward-mouthing-oh-why-world-why rantings nonetheless.
3. You may love this blog so much that you can’t tear your eyes away, and must therefore go about your daily life with a small computer held in your hand, frantically checking for updates every second, ignoring current social interactions to eagerly type a response on your miniature computer which will—oh. Okay, phone addicts, you may be excused from this reason.
5. I haven’t even thought of a blog topic, which was the first step of all the top 3 google results on starting a blog. The most I’ve done is pick a username based on the bag of chips lying on my nightstand. On an unrelated note, if you happen to be reading this at the supermarket, I would highly recommend adding seasalt and vinegar potato chips to your list.
6. I haven’t even written a blog beyond this post, and I’m already trying to recruit you as a reader. How disgustingly presumptuous.
7. I am no writer. I don’t know the first thing about writing. Moreover, I don’t know the first thing about blogs. Writing them, even reading them. I am an imposter. Reading this may cause you to experience many a breach of blog etiquette.
8. To keep it fresh, I do things like skip numbers. Poor number 4 was the innocent victim this time, and things will only get worse from here. You’ve been warned.